fears

we don't know what we fear the most until it looks us in the eye. i realize this now. i read the post of co-w@wie mhay, on her fiance jerry's operation, and i took a step back to realize that if there is anything i fear for the most in our relationship, its the health of tabs. . . not once did i fear that i will lose him to another women, to have to break up with him for any other reason. but i fear the loss of someone i love. i do not want to have to experience that pain, but i know i will someday. scary...
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yesterday i dropped by tabs' office so we can travel home together. when i got there he was still in a meeting. i had to wait up for him and he finished at almost 9 pm (i was there 7:30). the meeting was not finished yet but he told his officemates he'd go ahead. good thing they let him. when we went out i saw just how tired he looked. so haggard, he's had a lot of workload for the past few days. that's lack of sleep, comfortable sleep, that it. he sleeps in the sofa at his office and goes to the gym in the morning to take a shower and workout a bit. i know he could afford to get an apartment already but opts not to so he can save up for the wedding. he finds it hard to go home to malabon everyday with the traffic and his workload. hay.... but we have to have an affordable apartment so we can save up, besides with only the two of us we really do not need a lot of space. even a studio type place will do. we only plan to stay there anyway for around a year or so, until i finish my studies and we can pay for our own place, even if it is slightly far from the business districts. hay, i'd better take a look at apartments for rent for him....
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