ranting

i feel like ranting. i know its no good to rant because at the end of the day, that's all i would have done. there are some things we cannot change in life, and some more we cannot change in people. in fact the only thing we can change is ourselves. like i read somewhere, our emotions are governed by how we react to certain situations, and if we were to try to modify these thoughts and give it a more positive note, we would have saved ourselves with a lot of emotional baggage.

yeah, yeah, easier said than done. i do feel though that to a certain extent i have changed this, but not entirely because at moods like today when i feel so tired after doing something not for myself, i feel like shouting out "I'm doing everything!" Can't you give me a break!!!!

Must be hearing too many sad stories today. I dunno. about long term relationships ending in break-ups. and i realize that it'll always be a fear, and when i hear such stories, i can't help but fear for my own.

My own. My own relationship. Most of the time when i think of marriage and family, i feel excited, as if December cannot wait any longer. But there are days when i ask myself if i really am prepared. Would i be ready to take on the responsibility of a wife? Yes, I am marrying the man i love the most, my best friend, the one and the only person i would choose to spend this life and all the other lives after this. nothing can be more thrilling than the thought of having such a man beside me, every single day. But marriage doesn't come in a box full of niceties. To be a wife, we have the responsibility of taking care of our husbands, to keep the home in order, to cook and to do laundry and to clean, not because its just part of the package, but because we choose to. Or because I choose to. I choose to make sure that when he comes home at night, he will have a hot meal, and we can eat together and discuss our day. That when he wears his clothes, they will be neatly pressed and smell nice. That when he comes home tired, i'll be there to give him a massage. That he will have a clean and orderly home. I absolutely believe its part of the package. I will not yet go into the part of kids, because right now i wish only to dwell on a wife's role, otherwise i may have to rethink everything. And then, as a career woman, I choose to do well in my career. I choose to dream that I will have enough earnings, with his, to buy a car and a house in a few years. That's why I take my MBA. Its scaring me sometimes. Can I choose to commit my life? My life that spent the past 10-15 years independently paving my career. Can I really start putting one's interests over mine, because these are the vows I made in front of God. Again, it scares the hell out of me. But if you ask me again, and again, if i would choose to live this life or let it go, I would say without the blink of an eye that of course, I choose to spend my life with him. I would face up to the challenge of being a mom, a wife and a career woman. and i would choose to be such only for this person.

This is the life of an adult. I think I must be going through my quarter life cycle again....