fuming

i am fuming mad. i'm so pissed off. sorry for whoever is reading this right now, but i really want to vent.
if there is one thing i hate, its the people who play with someone else's emotions. i've always been very open with my emotions. i rant, i seethe with anger, i sometimes feel my head is about to explode with anger. but when all that is done and everything is fixed, i do apologize, and i mean it, as long as that issue is over, that's that. no need to open it up again. because its finished. be happy, go on with life. stay sweet and smile.
but when you apologize to me and later on deliver a statement that can be SOOOO UNCALLED FOR, every piece of anger i put on the back of my mind resurfaces, with thrice the intensity. BECAUSE I HATE THAT. I hate it when someone apologizes and later on picks a fight. All the apologies suddenly just turn into mere words with no piece of sincerity in it. and the anger is much, much harder to appease. suddenly i will turn into this monster who wants to throw a tantrum and break everything within sight.
that's who i am. my patience and understanding to people i love is greater than normal. i would like to believe that my parents appreciate that in me. that i never, ever throw a tantrum at them. while my sister would provoke me every time there is a chance, i would choose to keep silent, ignore it and move on. that's who i am. am i such a bad person for feeling pissed off right now? i think NOT. i'm human. that's what i am.
i believe for my part, that if you say sorry you should be sincere in it. and its not about who gets to say the last F*^$%ng word. its about moving towards reconciliation. forgive and forget.
isn't it about that?
I don't really want to write anything more because right now, i just hate this feeling. i hate the feeling of anger and the negative vibes. If only people were more sensitive of other's feelings. if only there was a venue where things like this can be discussed. but lacking the appreciation of some people for these things, perhaps, the only thing to do is to accept, to close my eyes, count to 100 and forget about the whole thing. remember that you love that person, remember that you agreed to commit yourself to that person, remember that tomorrow, things will be better and my anger will subside.